It's been quite a long time. Always different and, somehow, always the same.

Going through a phase (a phase, I hope) where where everything is worn out (I'm worn out) and every damn thing feels so repetitive that even the thought of doing things makes me feel tired. Not physically tired, not sleepy, just tired of stuff.

Eating is boring, sleeping is boring (not sleeping properly, but getting to sleep, lying in bed and waiting for the zone inbetween awakeness and dream to come feels tiring), working is boring, going to the supermarket is boring. It's always like "oh, not again, I've done it yesterday already! Is it going to be everyday like this?".

I've know for a long time I have this feeling about things being repetitive and I avoid to feel it the most I can. And when I can't help it, there's this nuisance that bothers the hell out of me and I don't know what to do about it. It can be an awkward situation, something I have been through already, something that happened to me and I wanna tell people, but when I get to the second or third person I am already tired of myself telling the same thing over and over again. It sucks.

But now what? Not sleeping is not really an option. My face has never looked so bad ever since. I have dark and deep circles around my eyes and you can tell by how my skin is that I haven't had much rest lately. Not eating? Doing what then? And I do feel hungry, but there's this laziness about going and fixing something to eat or drink and nothing looks that appealing.

What then? am I depressed (crying may be a symptom huh?)? Am I ever going to not feel tired about doing the same things everyday over and over and over again? I really fucking hope so. But now that doesn't really seem very likely.