Today it looks more like Sunday than it did on Sunday itself. The day started quite "bright", I even thought it would be sunny but now it is raining again. So, again, it feels really nice to be at warm at home and to have coffee here and to eat some nice stuff and to be listening to music and surfing the net.

I think a lot of stuff has changed since I started my evening internship. It is a little bit hard to have an everyday routine now, because each day there's something different to do in the morning and I work weekends and have two days off during the week and these two days vary every week. So, sometimes I sleep 2 or 3 hours a night, sometimes 9 hours a night, sometimes a bit during the night, a bit during the day, sometimes only the day after, sometimes I have to take plenty of Ginseng to keep me awake and aware (yes, ginseng does wonderful things). And that's it. Of course, there are side effects to all that change. My stomach has bothered me a little too much lately. I go to college quite unaware of stuff, as if I had smoked pot everytime we are in the kitchen. But some nice stuff has happened too: I dream more now. I think I use my dreams to close unfinished business. That being, I usually dream of stuff that worried me during the day and sometimes I have difficulty saying what was reality and what I dreamt during the night. But I also dreamt of granny these days and it was nice (it reminds me that I'll probably call my father today, bearing in mind parents are not heroes or perfect people, it became easier to try and talk to him). In this dream, granny said nice things about the sofa that was hers and I had it "recovered" (literally) and brought home (it is still in my mother's house and I'm about to bring it here). After dreaming that I realized she would have been proud of me if she saw what I did (can't tell if that's one of the reasons for doing all this). And I realized it was important to me. I mean, there are many things inside me that I didn't really know. It just crossed my mind that I ran away from her and dad 'cause they were too hard on us and I couldn't take it. It has always been true but somehow I had forgotten it. What does it mean? Dunno. I never (never) hated them or anything, it is just that I would always let them down, I guess. At least for granny. Sometimes I wonder what she'd think of this and that and I think that I'd be happy to give her a call to tell her the stuff going on here. But then I remember she used to disapprove of me of too many things. My ex-bf. The way I spend my money (God knows what they had in mind about it, 'cause I've never really said anything about it). How I didn't call them enough. And so on. Guess I should have learnt how to deal with that. Last week, at college, we made a dish (one that I particularly hate) that granny used to make very often and that daddy liked a lot. It made me think a lot of her (and maybe that's why I dreamt of her) and it made me go through all this.

The internship also made me not care too much about things anymore. Haha, guess I am even lazier now, meaning that I find it really useless to argue over stuff when its result is not going to affect anything. It's like "whatever" for everything. I don't care.

That's it for now. Haven't had much spare time and when I do, I get a little bit lost and start procrastinating (and usually end the day having done nothing). I even thought about recording stuff while I'm commuting (that's what I do the most nowaydays), but somehow, I gave up this "new project". Maybe it's not such a bad idea.